"There is some training course you should undertake to improve your skill set. God knows – you need it."

This was concerning. After all I am an old dog and this was a new trick. I was about to utter one of several carefully crafted excuses (such as getting on the sauce with an un-named source) when he put down his endangered species ivory-encrusted emery board and raised a manicured hand.

"It is in Norway."

I replied, "Sir, the gathering of knowledge is a lifelong journey. I would be delighted to be of service."

Which is how this reporter ended up at the postcard hamlet of Lillehammer (home of the 1994 Winter Olympics) with 900 scribes from 120 countries for the 2015 Global Investigative Journalism Conference.

We arrived at the impressive hotel and queued behind various Pulitzer Prize-winning types until it was our turn to check in. There was no record that I existed. Why was this not surprising?

I responded with the time honoured, "Vet du hvem jeg er?" (Do you know who I am?)

The Nordic lass got the message and handing me a key marked, "Bbottekott", which I wrongly assumed meant VIP (It actually was broom closet – the mop gave it away.)

Undeterred we headed to the common room to meet international ace reporters to share cool drinks and war stories. I met one brave reporter who wore a frown, blue jeans and carried a backpack. This was one serious dude.

I lightened the mood by telling a wonderful anecdote about Chopper Read, a greyhound. a stick of gelignite and some lipstick, which finished with the punchline "Og da han skjot ham i guts" (And then he shot him in the guts).

He muttered through broken teeth in broken English, "Please, no more."

I believe he was suffering a flashback to some crisis in the Balkans as his eyes welled up with tears and he left the room.

Next I spotted some fellow from Denmark (there is, after all, nothing like a Dane) and decided to raise a subject of mutual interest. I asked him his opinion on Hawthorn's Ryan Schoenmakers' defensive forward pressure in the grand final.

He looked confused. I used the ancient art of mime to bridge the language gap, handballing meatballs from the excellent smorgasbord in his direction.

His face cracked into a wide grin of recognition and responded, "Mye bedre – gode hender" (Much improved – good hands). He then offered me some deer jerky.

But this conference was more than chitchat, fondue dinners and pillow fights with Swedish interns. There was work to be done.

And so let's reverse the usual order and start with a conclusion and work our way backwards.

1) In many countries around the world organised crime has become so entrenched its powers and range of influence rivals national governments.

2) In Australia we have become so obsessed with the real and perceived threats from terrorism that we are neglecting the dangers of syndicated crime.

3) Despite, or more accurately, because of ,apathy, international crime cartels impact on the quality of life in Australia.

4) You and your family are more likely to be victims of crime than terrorism.

5) Global syndicates are just that and unless we look at global solutions we are doomed to fail.

Just look at the known facts.

We have Canadian Vietnamese investing in Melbourne hydroponic marijuana houses, Vietnamese crime bosses hiring problem gamblers to smuggle heroin into Australia, Chinese ice and synthetic drug manufacturers targeting our markets and South American cocaine cartels seeking premium prices Down Under.

Young Middle Eastern crooks are recruited to steal German cars from Melbourne streets to be sent to Dubai.

Meanwhile, Lebanese crooks with IQs that rival the calibre of their illegal guns are shooting houses, enemies and innocents, apparently impervious to police pressure.

And the international dark web, where you can buy illegal products to be delivered in days, has made many law enforcement methods obsolete.

One China expert at the conference said a much-needed crackdown on corruption in Beijing has impacted on property prices in Australia with the middle class and the rich desperate to move black money out of the country.

Billions of corrupt dollars, he says, have been ploughed into Canadian and Australian housing, effectively pricing many locals out of the market.

Italian Mafia syndicates, (including one with strong links to Australia) have infiltrated the European waste industry and have illegally dumped more than 10 million tonnes of toxic and nuclear waste, poisoning local water sources, causing massive rises in cancer rates and destroying fishing grounds as far away as Africa.

And many of the Mafia syndicates have teamed with corrupt African officials to "invest" in diamond mines, nightclubs and huge tracts of land.

They run huge money laundering and drug syndicates in several North African countries with virtually no chance of being prosecuted .

The Italian Mafia bosses are sending their brightest children to universities such as Oxford and Cambridge to receive the best financial training to return as international money launderers.

It is virtually impossible to do business in many countries without offering large bribes. One businessman who wanted to set up duty free shops in one African nation was told an exchange of gifts with the president was appropriate. He brought a suitcase containing $500,000 cash. The suitcase was emptied and returned with the President's gift. It was filled with ears of corn.

To the Pres that was a fair exchange.

What we know is no matter how foul the business, where there is money there will be those who will dive in.

Nigerian women are forced to walk up to 100 kilometres before being sent to Italy as sex slaves, returning crippled with sexually related diseases.

When Premium Times journalist Tobore Ovuorie sees one of her school friends die of Aids after working as a prostitute she decides to infiltrate a human trafficking syndicate.

Masquerading as a street prostitute she is recruited for the Europe route and trained as a pickpocket to steal from her clients.

Befriended by one madam who says she reminds her of her kid sister she is left in a room with three other recruits who are seen as "trouble".

"As we 'unlucky' four are standing aside, Mama C talks with five well-dressed, classy, influential-looking visitors.

"The issue is a 'package' that Mama C has promised them and that she hasn't been able to deliver. The woman points at me, but Mama C refuses and for unexplained reasons Adesuwa and Omai are selected.

"We all witness, screaming and trying to hide in corners, as they are grabbed and beheaded with machetes in front of us. The 'package' that the visitors have come for turns out to be a collection of body parts."

The slave business is a massive $60 billion industry, with an estimated 21 million victims, and $40 billion in lost wages.

In one of the richest countries in the world, Abu Dhabi, thousands of migrant workers are kept in squalor, working on massive building sites, unable to leave until they have paid wildly inflated recruiting fees to corrupt middlemen.

And when we sit down to the next soccer World Cup corruptly gifted to Qatar, we should remember that slaves built those ridiculous stadiums, with an estimated 4000 expected to die before the kick off in 2022.

Thousands of kids have been abducted or sold to work as camel jockeys in the UAE, with many suffering horrendous injuries or death for the amusement of rich owners (in a trade that has been largely outlawed).

In Mexico some of the crime cartels are beyond policing. Award-winning journalist Marcela Turati says the syndicates have informers in newsrooms who are paid to tip them off on any investigative stories.

She says, "the guy in the taco truck" or staff at the railway station will contact the syndicates the moment a journalist arrives in town to investigative organised crime. Asked how she protects herself she just shrugs, smiles and says, "You can't."

The death toll of South American reporters shows she is right.

One Russian reporter says six of his colleagues have been murdered. "If they want to kill you they will." And in the Balkans, gangsters own an estimated 40 per cent of the media.

In many countries corruption is just part of the system. If you are a police officer or a low-grade government worker in an impoverished nation bribes are needed to survive.

You do it to provide for your family. It is just part of life because an empty belly has no conscience. But here there is no such excuse. It is not a matter of survival just plain greed.

Cecil Rhodes once said, "To be born an Englishman is to win first prize in God's lottery." Today it could be said to live in Australia is to have won Tattslotto. So let's not stuff it up.